It's All About The Fish.
Welcome to But, How? A podcast to help you bring your ideas to life. You know where you are... You know where you want to be... But, how do you get there? I'm your hostess Bri Seeley. Join me each week as I drop knowledge and musings to support you in creating the path to your dreams.
Hello everyone and welcome back to yet another episode of But How? the podcast. A podcast to help you bring your ideas to life. One thing I really want to talk about today … In fact, right after I recorded the last episode I saw a post online. It had this old saying that we’ve all heard a million times. Seeing that saying clicked something in my brain. My mind just exploded and I had so much clarity in that moment. It relates to everything about why I started this podcast, everything about why I coach the way I coach, everything about why I am who I am in the world and I wanted to bring it to all of you. So, the old saying that I saw posted so graciously by a friend on LinkedIn was, “You give a man a fish you feed him for a day. You teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.”
Getting into this whole question of like, “But how? But how am I going to bring my idea to life? But how? How is it all going to play out?” What’s happened forever is that we all just want answers. Like I said in the last podcast, “I’m actually not here to give you answers. I’m here to show you how to get your own answers.” Which is exactly why this saying rung such a deep cord inside of me. It’s because I realized so much of what’s going on with the online marketing industry, the online coaching industry, the online everything industry right now is giving people fish. It is giving them a temporary solution, a temporary answer. And then when they need another one because the temporary solution, that temporary answer stops working then you have to go back out the “experts” to then give you another fish. You can only ever eat for a day based on the current modalities that are out there in the market. You can only ever eat for a day, which sucks. Because you’re always constantly then outside of yourself searching for the next fish, right? Whether it be in your life or your business, you’re constantly out looking for the next thing. The next answer, the next step, the next this, the next that it becomes an addiction.
The difference between that stuff and what I do, what this podcast is about, how I support people in learning their how, is I teach people how to fish. Here’s the deal, I don’t want people coming back to me again, and again, and again when the temporary answers stop working. I want to empower people to find and learn how to identify their own answers, find their unique path so that they have the tools. So that next time they’re hungry they can go out and go fishing. Instead of having to go to someone else to give them what they need, they then get to go out and give it to themselves. They get to find it for themselves. Now I know this is radically, radically different that what’s going on on the market. We all want the quick fix easy answers. We all want someone to come in and say, “Do this, do that. Do this, do that.” But the power of finding within yourself the ability to do this for yourself, will literally give you everything you need to be successful in the world.
The power of learning the ability to find the answers within yourself is it will literally give you everything you need to be successful in the world.
And then once you’ve learned this for yourself, you don’t need to keep going out to find other people. You don’t need to go consume more information. You don’t need to learn more strategies, more this’ more thats. You don’t need to lean on others to give you the answers that already exist within you.
I tell people … this is in my book as well. There’s only ever one thing that will remain constant through your entire life. One thing. Everything outside of you is temporary. Everything. Everything will come and go. Relationships, homes, jobs, cars, people. Everything outside of you is temporary. Everything. So, searching outside of you will never give you the answers that you are looking for. Or it may give you this much of the answer and then require you to go out and find more, and find more, and find more. You’re constantly just in this cycle outside of yourself, trying to fill this void within yourself and it doesn’t work that way. You have to go within. You have to have that relationship with yourself, with your intuition, with whatever you believe in. God, universe, higher power, angels. Whatever that is. You have to cultivate that relationship because that is the only thing that will ever guide you correctly down your path. No expert … I can never know what you’re going through. The only thing I can ever know is what I’m going through. I can figure out my path. I can support you in figuring out your path. But it’s not my job to figure out your path or to give you your path. It is my job to support you in having the tools, the knowledge and the resources to do it for yourself. The second that you begin to fish … begin to go fishing … learn how to fish, you will be able to feed yourself for the rest of your life.
My invitation in this … I know I said it briefly in the last episode to is, stop giving your power away. You don’t need to go to any experts to give you the fish to eat. You need to learn to fish for yourself.
You don’t need to go to any “experts” to give you the fish in order to eat. You need to learn to fish for yourself. Turn inwards and find the fish to feed yourself.
You need to learn the tools and the skills and the knowledge to be able to do the deep inquiry. To be able to communicate with your intuition. To be able to have the self-assessment tools. To go inside and find your fish. The fish already exist within you. All the answers that you are searching for right now, in this moment, already exists within you. And by going to another expert and asking them for the answers, what you’re essentially saying is, “I don’t trust myself to know that the answers within me are either there. Or that they’re right. Or that they’re going to reveal themselves to me. Or that the universe supports me and has my back.” It’s not an issue of not knowing, it’s an issue of not trusting.
Turning to experts to give you answers about creating your path isn’t about you lacking the answers in the first place… No, it’s a practice of not trusting yourself.
My invitation to you today, and in this podcast in general, is that you have everything that you need but you likely don’t trust it. How do you start building that trust muscle inside of yourself? How do you start building that relationship with yourself so that you can clear those pathways and start to get the clarity that you seek? Remember that’s your clarity. Getting your clarity. Not relying on someone else’s clarity. Their clarity led them to where they are today. But that doesn’t mean that their clarity is going to lead you to where you desire to go tomorrow. Instead of relinquishing your power to all of these experts to give you fish every time you need to eat. This is an invitation for you to learn how to fish for yourself. For you to develop that relationship with your inner self, with your intuition, with your higher power. So that you can trust and finally find that path that is yours. Following someone else’s path will never take you to the destination that you desire to go. Ever.
The first step that I talk about in my book that I lead my clients through … The first step in really, really understanding and getting to know who you are, starting to cultivate that relationship … Say you wanted to have a relationship with someone new. Say you’re single and you want to have a relationship with a new significant other. Say you are cultivating a friendship or something. How do you build that relationship with that person? How do the two of you really get to know one another? How do the two of you develop that trust with one another? That know, love, trust factor that we all need in order to feel safe in relationships? The exact same thing that you’re going to do to build that know, love, trust relationship with yourself - you have to spend time with that person. You have to spend time with yourself.
The very first thing that I encourage every single person to do is to start a daily practice. You have to spend time with yourself. That means time away from your cell phone. Time away from your laptop. Time away from your business, your significant other, your everyday life, your email. Time away from everything. This is simply time for you to be with you. Because you need to get to know yourself. You need to start understanding what your intuition is, where your intuition lives within your body. How your intuition communicates with you. I will go into … in another podcast, we have all sorts of different voices in our heads.
If you haven’t yet, go watch Inside Out. In Inside Out there’s all these emotions and these feelings in this little girl’s head. there’s sadness. There’s joy. There’s anger. There’s always another one that I forget. Anyways, often times when we start developing this relationship with ourselves we only hear one voice inside of us. It’s us, right? It’s us. When you really start breaking it down you can start to identify what’s your intuition? What’s your higher self? What’s your fear? What’s your comfort zone voice? What’s your inner critic voice? The one that’s really, really mean to you and always tells you that you’re not good enough, or you’re not doing it right or any of those things. So, all of those bits and pieces of us are different parts of ourselves just like in Inside Out. Joy was herself. Anger was himself. Sadness was herself. We have all these different parts and pieces with in us. All these different voices. All these different aspects of who we are. But we often times hear them as just one thing. My invitation to you in developing this inner practice is really starting to learn and understand your inner landscape. It’s a lot more intricate and a lot more detailed than you probably think it is.
There’s a few other things that this time does as well. One, having this time for yourself creates space. The other first thing that I always recommend people do when they want to bring new energy into their life is to make space. In fact, during this weekend I’m doing a huge Goodwill run. I’m getting rid of a ton of old clothes, shoes, picture frames, things that I’ve had for decades that I just don’t need anymore. It’s taking up space in my life and I need to let it go. So, when you can declutter, not just your physical environment but also your mental and your emotional environments, you can have openings for new things to exist. Your daily practice is not only relationship building between you and you, it’s also creating space for new energy to come into your life. And it’s a connection time, right? Not just connection with yourself but connection with you higher power. Connection with your God, with your angels, with you universe, with whatever that is for you. When that energy knows where to find you everyday at the same time it will start showing up to communicate with you. Because again, often times a lot of us only want to call on God, the universe, our angels when we need something. When we’re in dire straits. What happened to the little boy that called wolf? Eventually people stopped responding. If you really truly want to have a co-creative relationship in your life, you have to make time for it. You have to have that connection piece so that you and the universe can be in union every single day. If you’re only calling upon when you need it, it’s probably going to stop picking up your calls. We’ve all had that friends that only calls us when shits going wrong. What do we do? Hopefully you stop picking up the phone. It’s not a mutually beneficial relationship. It is a one-sided relationship.
Developing a daily practice is incredibly important and absolutely the first thing you need to do in order to begin finding your how. Make space every day. Non-negotiable, scheduled into your calendar, absolutely nothing else comes into your life during that time space. Put it in your calendar. Let your roommate, let your husband, let your wife, let anyone know. Put your phone on Do Not Disturb. Remove and eliminate all distractions and simply be with yourself. A lot of people want to know exactly what they are supposed to do with that time in the morning, right? You want me to give you a fish right now and say, “This is exactly what your morning needs to look like. Let me give you a fish.” No. I’m not going to give you a fish. You need to fucking learn how to fish.
What you do in your daily practice is yours and yours alone. You need to figure it out. Now I will give you some options that could be some great starting points. But my invitation to you is, you need to try them on for size. You wouldn’t go into a boutique and have a sales person bring something up to you and be like, “This is going to look phenomenal on you. Take it home. Buy it. Take it home.” You would try it on. You’d see how it fit. You’d look in the mirror, maybe you’d get a friend’s opinion. Not that you need a friend’s opinion for your morning routine. It’s a metaphor, stick with me alright? You wouldn’t just do it because someone fucking told you to. My invitation to you with this is, take what I’m about to say and try it on for size. See what works. See what doesn’t work. And then make adjustments, make modifications.
The daily practice I have now is remarkably different from the daily practice I began three years ago. Three years ago, I tried to take someone’s fish. I tried to make my morning routine be something that someone else told me it should be. and while there were a lot of great suggestions in it. It’s not how I work. I had to do the work and take the energy to find what was aligned for me. The main thing, again, with this practice is that you’re creating space. You’re connecting with yourself and you’re connecting with a higher power. There are numerous activities you can do during this time. Go for a run. Go for a walk. You can meditate. You can take a bath. You can make yourself breakfast. Have a cup of tea. Sit out back on your patio. Cuddle with your animals. You can color in a coloring book. You could journal. You could read. I mean there are literally so many activities that you could do during this time. My invitation to you is you need to find your own unique combination of activities and start with a general structure. If you need more structure by all means, make it. If you don’t do well with structure, make sure that you still have the time reserved every day, but then flow with what activities feel best that day.
I started out with a very strict structure, I have to do this, this, this, this and this. That stopped feeling good for me, so I modified it. Now I just have a time block in my calendar and I ask myself in the morning, “What do I need? What do I need today?” For example, this morning. I got up, fed the kitties, immediately went to my meditation chair where I meditated and journaled. Then I got in my car and I went to the lake. I did two and a half laps around the lake. Then I sat in silence. Just really enjoying the energy, the air, the birds, the film crew, everything that was around me and I just really took it in. I was just really present. Watch the sun shine off the lake. I noticed all sorts of things about my surroundings that I never get to see because I’m always walking. And then I came home and I did a hypnosis. Got showered, all that good stuff.
Figure out what works for you. Don’t ask for a fish. Teach yourself to fish. Find your unique morning routine … who knows. Maybe yours isn’t even a morning routine. Maybe it’s an afternoon routine or a mid-afternoon routine. Or a routine before you go to bed at night. Who knows? Actually, I know who knows. You know. You are the only that knows. I could sit here and tell you all sorts of things and none of it could work for you. You need to do the work to figure it our for yourself. There was something else I was going to include in this and I totally, totally, totally forgot. Oh, I know. Got it. Right.
For those of you, because I know that there are those of you out there that are like, “I don’t have space. I don’t have time to have a daily routine.” Bullshit. Find it. Find time in your calendar to block off as non-negotiable. If you choose, because it is a choice, not to have a relationship with yourself. I can guarantee you, you will be spending a lot of time, a lot of money, and a lot of energy buying other people’s fish for the rest of your fucking life. It is a choice. Now you can choose to do that. You can absolutely choose to do that. No judgement. Okay, that’s a lie. Little bit of judgement. Little bit of judgement. Having a little bit of judgement. Learnt to fish for yourself. I promise you it is the only thing that will create what it is that you’re desiring in the world. It is the only thing. Going out and buying someone else’s fish will not work.
This is your life. This is your path. This is our journey. The only person that has the answers is you.
The question is, are you willing to start doing something about it? Are you willing to learn how to fish or are you going to keep putting temporary band aids on and buying other people’s fish? Right now, I’m illuminating for you that that is a choice. That habit, that thing where you constantly go out and find other people to fix your problems for you. To “fix your problems for you” because they’re not actually fixing them. They’re temporarily alleviating the pain for you so that you think that they’re fixed but they’re going to come up again. Whether it be two weeks, three weeks, a month, six months, a year, whatever. It will come back until you decide to learn how to fish for yourself.
This is an invitation. You want to know how? Learn how to fish for yourself. I hope you are feeling empowered and really, really ready to choose your path. To make your path and to really learn how to fish, possibly for the first time in your life.