The Art of Surrender

On this episode of But, How? A podcast to help visionaries bring their ideas to life.... I'll be sharing about the hardest part of creation - surrender. We all have ideas about HOW it must happen, but as humans we don't have the full perspective. Trying to control and manipulate your path will not work. The Art of Surrender is what will bring magic + miracles to the forefront.

Welcome to another great episode of 'But, How? A podcast to help you bring your ideas to life.' You know where you are... You know where you want to be... But, how do you get there? I'm your hostess Bri Seeley. Join me each week as I drop knowledge and musings to support you in creating the path to your dreams and bringing your ideas to life. 

I know what it’s like to be a visionary entrepreneur out in the world. And all of the things that we’re told we should be, and how we should do this and should do that. I am not here to should all over you. That is not happening in this episode.

I am here to awaken possibility within you. I am here to show you that what you desire is truly, truly possible and it’s probably not as difficult as you think it is. Today I am going to be sharing with you probably one of the top ingredients to this whole “how” process. We can see all these things about the beginning and the end, but we can’t always see the middle part.

Then we get an idea of how the middle part should look. How someone else’s middle part looked or how they told us that our middle part should look. We get this idea and then we latch onto it and we hold onto it so tightly. If you’re watching on video you can see, but if you’re listening to this on iTunes or one of the other multiple platforms, put your hand in a fist really quickly.

When we latch on to something we’re energetically making a fist. When we have a fist, if you take your fist and try to push your finger into it or try to get underneath, there’s no space. What happens is we latch onto this idea of how we think it should look. How we think our vision should be brought to life. We end up closing ourselves off to all the magic, all the synchronicity, all the things all around us that the universe is trying desperately to bring our way to give us. We’re closed off to it so it prevents the universe from doing its job. Its job is to help show you and guide you along that middle path of the “how”. 

Rewind back a few weeks, it was a Saturday. I was sitting down at my altar as I do in the mornings, lighting candles and burning sage, because I’m a totally hippie with all my crystals around me, meditating and all of these things. While I was in meditation my second book came to me. I got the title. I got the outline. Everything. The book just came to me as my books do in meditation. I’m sitting there and I’m like, “Alright. I just launched a book. Not even five months ago I launched a book. I think it was like four months ago I launched a book. And now universe you are asking me to launch yet another book and the last book took nearly everything I had to get it out into the world.” So, I’m sitting there at my altar and I’m like, “Alright universe. I’m in. I am in. I can do this. I can absolutely write another book. The last one took me two and a half weeks. The writing the book isn’t the problem. And I’m going to need some help this time. I am not going to do this journey alone. I’m going to need some people on my team to really help me, which means I want book agent this time and I want a publisher. So, universe bring me a book agent.” There I was sitting at my altar now with this second book coming through me and I said, “Alright, I need some support around this. I’m not doing this alone, bring me a book agent.” I got out my journal and I wrote in it and just said, “Universe, bring me a book agent.” 

This is where our human brains start getting caught up in everything, “Well how is this going to happen? How am I going to get a book agent? I should start researching all the things. Maybe …” And we start making the mental to do list. We start categorizing all these things and deciding, “What needs to be done in order for me to get a book agent?” and all of this stuff. All of this logical 'how it’s going to happen' stuff this 'these are the actions I need to take' kind of stuff. I instead just wrote it down and completely forgot about it.

So, on Saturday morning I went through my Saturday and did all my Saturday things. Then the next day Sunday, went through and did all my Sunday things. Then on Monday I woke up, I posted on Facebook and Instagram with a photo of the Brooklyn bridge and said, “Hey friends, I’m on my way to New York City next week and I want to meet some really cool epic people while I’m in the Big Apple. Who do I need to know? Introduce me. Send me connections. Tell me people. I will reach out to them. Who do I need to know?” I had a few people respond in the messages.

Then that evening my massage therapist came over. She and I took a two mile walk before I had my massage, and we were chatting and she said, “Oh I saw your post about wanting to meet people in New York. I have this friend, we went to college together. He married me and my husband. He’s really, really truly a genuinely great person and he’s someone I think you need to know.” I was like, “Oh my gosh, this is awesome. I’m meeting all of these great people in New York. This is going to be such a good trip.” And then she follows it up with, “Oh and he’s a book agent.” Come to find out not only is he a book agent, he’s literally one of the top book agents in my industry. I was like, “Whoa.” Literally 48 hours earlier, maybe a little bit longer, maybe 56 or something like that. Fifty-six hours earlier I had just written in my journal, “Universe send me a book agent.” And within two and a half days the universe was like, “Here you go.” And not only is it any book agent, it’s a great book agent. And it’s a personal introduction which is even more meaningful than any cold outreach could ever be. 

That was Monday of that week. What she had said to me was, “I sent him a message. I haven’t heard back but I’ll let you know.” This becomes the part where you still have to be actively engaged. You asked the universe for what you want. You surrendered at however it shows up but you still have to be engaged with it.

Come that Wednesday, I hadn’t heard back from her. I messaged her and said, “Hey, did that friend of yours ever get back to you? Is he in New York while I’m in town I’d love to meet him.” Not even five minutes later he and I had an appointment set up. I took the initiative to reach out and do something about it and I got an appointment, a meeting with one of the top book agents in my industry. Super easy. Like that. Under a week from when I asked the universe for it. Could I have ever known that my massage therapist was best friends with a book agent in college? The same guy that married her and her husband. I could’ve never known this stuff. This is how amazing and magical the universe is. And I’m not saying this to be like, “Look at how cool I am.” I’m saying this to say the same things, the same energy, the same opportunities available to you as well. But it’s that piece of surrender. So, let’s go a little bit further.

That was that Wednesday. I fly to New York the following day. I had a really great trip with my baby sister. We had such a beautiful trip. Then I move to the upper east side, got to stay with my roommate from when I lived in Italy. We’ve been friends for 14 years. She has the most cool cat, Casper. I got to stay with her for a few days. Went to the meeting with the book agent. This is the part that I think is most crucial in the “how” process. We’re sitting there and we’re talking and we’re getting to know one another. All the usual meeting stuff. And the part about this meeting too, was that I didn’t know what she had told him about me. I didn’t know if I was going in to meet my massage therapists friend, or if I was going in to meet a potential book agent. I had no idea where this conversation was going to go. I just went in completely open and was like, “All right universe, whatever supposed to come out of this interaction is going to come out of this interaction. I just get to show up for it and have fun with it and engage with it. And I trust that whatever energy I’m putting into this, if this is all aligned it’s going to work out.” I go to that meeting and I tell him that I asked for him. I tell him that I asked the universe for a book agent. Now this is the most important part. 

I said to him, “I don’t know if we’re going to end up working together. I have no idea if right now, sitting here on this first meeting if you are my book agent. I don’t know that yet. The conversation feels great. We have very aligned values. You seem to get me. We have a great rapport. But I don’t know if you’re my book agent. This is just a quick little conversation where we’re just getting to know one another.” I said, “But here’s what’s cool about me sitting in your office right now.” I told him the whole story, how I sat down and I asked the universe for a book agent. And I said to him, “No matter what, if you end up being my book agent or you just end up being someone that I ran into along my journey who becomes a friend or refers me to someone else. I don’t know. I don’t know why we’re meeting right now …” But the thing about me sitting in that office that day was that I knew, I had proof that the universe was listening to me. Now this becomes the important part. Not having attachment to it. 

That meeting happened two weeks ago. I sent him a very nice thank you. I’m starting to work on my book proposal. I’m starting to grow my social media even more than it already has been because that was something he mentioned. I’m putting in the work. I’m doing the alignment continuing to show up as me. I’m continuing to provide value to my community like I always do. Continuing to allow this book to filter into my physical existence. And I have no attachment to whether or not he and I are going to work together. Of course, I would love to work with him. I would be so honored. He is amazing. His company is awesome. I would be so honored to be one of their authors. And if it’s not aligned, it’s not aligned and there is nothing I can do to change that. 

This is the part where I see a lot of people get really hung up. This glimmer of hope comes in. the universe starts sending you signs, start sending you opportunities and people. And people latch onto it. We grab onto it with that tight, tight fist and we don’t want to let it go. “The universe sent me a book agent so this has to be my book agent and I just have to make this work.” We get really possessive. We get really closed. We end up shutting off all other opportunities that come our way because we’re so focused in on it looking a certain way.

When we focus in on it looking a certain way and we out these blinders on and say this, “One way is the only way that my vision can come to light.” We literally shut down to the universal magic that is all around us. The universe just wants to send you what it is that you desire. It doesn’t care how. Maybe this was a practice interview with a book agent to prepare me for my real book agent. Maybe this guy is the one I’m going to end up working with as book agent. I don’t know and I don’t care. It’s not that I don’t care but I have no expectations about how this is going to happen. Because I know that if the universe is giving me this book to bring into the world, and I’m showing up for it, and I’m asking for help. The universe has no choice but to bring that help to me. 

It is the exact same for you. Whatever it is that you are desiring of in this moment right now the universe has no choice but to give it to you.

The problem becomes when you have expectations of how it looks. It is going to show up differently than you expect it to. It always does. It always shows up differently than you expect it to. And if you’re holding onto that expectation of how this thing is going to come into your life. If you’re holding onto that so tightly, you are preventing yourself from seeing it when it does show up. If you have expectations that you’re going to meet a man and he’s going to be six and a half feet tall. Maybe he shows up and he’s five foot eleven, you’re going to not be able to see him because he’s not “what you think he should be”. If you have an idea about a job that has to be in a certain industry or it has to look a certain way or it has to have a certain this or it has to have a certain that. and it shows up looking differently than you thought it was, you’re going to shut it down and not engage with it because you have these expectations of how it should look. 

Surrender is probably one of the biggest keys and biggest practices that comes along with this process of how. Right now, in this moment, as you look towards your future, your perspective is limited by what is currently in your world. “Well I live here, I make this much money, I have this much this. I have that. I have these things … that’s my reality.” Your reality is going to be different in three, six, nine, twelve months. It’s going to be different. Then your perspective is going to change.

You can’t base what’s going to happen in your future off of exactly where you are in the present. You have to open up to what else is possible. You have to open up to the magic. The serendipity. You can’t expect to build a path exactly where you are right now. You have to start laying the bricks little by little and all of the energy around what’s coming will open up. So, let go of how you think it should look. Let go of all the ways that you are expecting this to happen. 

Here’s another great example, in January I asked the universe for a sign. I was again, at my altar because apparently that’s where I ask for things. And was sitting at my altar. I was playing with this deck of cards called the earthbound oracle, which I love. I was in a muddy place and I was a little frustrated and feeling off and icky. I was like, “All right, I just want to know that I’m on the right path.” which is so ridiculous, right? We’re always on the right path. the universe is like, “Okay, let me show you. Again, that you’re on the right path.” I pull a card and the card was travel, it had a Monarch butterfly on it. I was like, “All right, universe. I want a sign today.” I don’t just want any sign today. I want a Monarch butterfly. Show me a Monarch butterfly.” I pack myself up and I get myself ready and I go the lake. I go to Echo Park Lake like I do most mornings. And I’m taking my two miles walk and I’m like, “That’s where the universe is going to send me that sign. I just know it. there’s butterflies around that lake all the time. There’s so much nature around that lake. That has to be exactly where the universe is going to send me my sign. I just know it.” What do I do? I lapse one around the lake, mile one. I lap twice around the lake, mile two. Not a single butterfly in sight. Not any butterfly. Not just not a Monarch, no butterflies on my walk that morning. Not one. So, I’m heading home and I’m like, “Dammit. There is no way I am going to see a Monarch outside the window to my apartment. That’s just not happening. I live in downtown L.A.” Now granted, I have seen some crzy things. There’s some humming birds that live around here and stuff but I was like, “I am not seeing a Monarch butterfly.” The universe is clearly not listening to me. It’s not sending me a sign …. All the stories right … I was all pissed off.

Then that afternoon I decide that I am going to take myself out for lunch. I deserved it. I went to go get an acai bowl. Now, here’s where this story becomes really interesting because me going to get an acai bowl is not new. I am very much a creature of habit. When I go places I take the same routes. I’m very much a creature of habit. I do not deviate from my … I eat the same thing for breakfast every … I am very much a creature of habit. I’m on my way to the acai bowl place and I’m trying to walk the same way that I walk every single time I go to the acai place. I always walk along the north side of 9th for whatever reason then I get to Hope and then I take a right. Always. Now the block of the north side of 9th between Hope and Grand was closed because they have construction. So that block of that sidewalk was closed. I had to go up Grand, over on 8th and down on Hope. I had to take this whole detour to get to my acai bowl place. I take the detour and I get literally the same thing that I order every single time I go to the acai place because, creature of habit. I get my power bowl, sub gluten free granola, sub almond butter, no bananas on top. I’m sitting there. I’m eating my bowl, enjoying my lunch and I’m like, “I need to get avocados. I need to get avocados for breakfast tomorrow morning. Should I go Whole Foods or should I go to Ralphs?” While Ralphs is in the same building pretty much as the acai bowl place, I’ll just go there because it’s really close. I’m going south on Hope. I get to Ralphs. I get my avocados. I put them in my purse. I get back to the corner of 9th and Hope, and I can’t cross over on the north side of the street again because construction. I have to cross over to the south side of 9th street in order to get home. I’m standing on the south-west corner of 9th and Hope, crossing over to the south-east corner of 9th and Hope, listening to Pharrell’s Happy, bouncing in my step. “Because I’m happy …” I look up and I shit you not, there’s an electrical box on the south-east corner of 9th and Hope covered in Monarch butterflies. Covered. Painted. All over. All four sides of this box are covered in Monarch butterflies. One, I started choking on my own spit. Two, I almost tripped. Three, I started crying. 

I had this expectation it was going to show up a certain way and I was looking for it to show up that way. Thankfully I was open to receiving it another way because the universe wanted to surprise me in that moment. I got my sign. Again, it didn’t come in the way that I thought it was going to come. And I got pissed off about it not coming in the way that I thought it was going to come. The universe had a surprise in store for me. When you start telling stories about things not looking the way they should look or things not happening the way they should happen. If a client fires you or you don’t get a speaking spot that you wanted, or you … Who knows what’s happening? Who knows what the circumstances are in your life? But be open to whatever you’re desiring, this how, be open to it coming to you in a way that you never expected. The more that you hone in on it having to look a certain way the less likely you are going to see it when it shows up. So, surrender. I know that sounds so airy, fairy, “You just need to like surrender. You just need to like let go.” But it’s true. It is really true. The less you have expectations about how, the more likely you are going to be able to bring whatever this thing is craving, craving to be brought to life inside of you the easier that is going to be, I promise. 

This week, how can you invite a little more surrender into your experience? How can you invite a little bit more open energy, a little bit more childlike wonder, a little bit more magic? And really let the universe support you, because you’re not doing this alone. You’re not in this alone. There is this unseen force rearranging things behind the curtain of life that you will never be able to see. At least until they come in to your experience. When the universe is behind the scenes rearranging all the parts and pieces, we never get to see that but it is always happening. It is always happening on our behalf for us. This week, play with surrender. Would love to see you in my Facebook group. Would love to hear your experiences with this. Your understandings about this. Any ah-ha moments that you had while listening to this. And just be open. Be open. I guarantee you the universe is trying to get your attention. It is trying to help you bring this idea to life and it’s up to you to listen, and trust, and surrender. 

Thank you for joining me on another fantastic journey into the unknown land of how. I trust you heard and received exactly what you needed. And I would love to know what that nugget was. Join me and thousands of others in my Facebook group at to share. And, once a month I randomly choose a new member for a free 1-hour session. Plus, don't forget to subscribe, rate and share 'But, How?' I'm eternally grateful for you. I love you. I'll catch you next week on But, How? A podcast to help you bring your ideas to life.