"You've changed."

She looked at me and said, “You’ve changed.”

We haven’t spoken since.

You are the product of the five people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely.

For two years I wanted to die. My life was far from what I wanted it to be. I was struggling to pay bills, unhappy at my job, single with no prospects. I turned to my best friend for support, and she encouraged me to keep my head up while I cried on her shoulder. She was my confidant, my cheerleader. We had weekly dates to commiserate over wine.

And then I decided enough was enough.

I spent an entire year doing the hard internal work of turning my life around to build a life that inspires me. As I have owned my shit, I’ve had the pleasure of seeing many women do the same. I wrote a book about it. My business partner and I created a space for women to un-network and focus on who they are rather than what they do. I spend day in and day out supporting women in up leveling their lives and businesses. It has become my entire life.

I teach every single thing I have learned that has worked for me through group sessions and privately. I want every single woman I know to experience what I have experienced. Especially the people closest to me. Including my best friend who was always there for me - until she wasn’t.

Earlier this year she called me a bitch. She told me I was a fake, a fraud, a phony, “I don’t know who you are anymore.”

What do you do when you realize your friends {and sometimes even your family} prefer the miserable version of yourself? My best friend only knew how to support and champion me when I wasn’t happy.

Being selective with who you surround yourself with is not selfish, it’s imperative to who you are in the world.

I am fulfilled by the work I’m doing and the woman I have become. I wake up excited. I’m passionate about seeing other women transform their lives the way I have. I love my life.

The number one question I am asked in my work is this: How do I maintain my positive energy, my vibe, when I am surrounded by people who don’t get it, who aren’t moving forward in their own lives, or who are outright toxic?

More often than not my answer…... Don’t waste your energy. Spend time with people who are leveling up with you.

Is that harsh? Maybe. But would you expect anything less from me? The truth is, people from your past - and even your present - are going to be uncomfortable when you choose to change your life. When you undergo a deep transformation, you will be threatened, attacked even, by those around you who’d rather you stay the same.

Boundary setting is the most crucial conversation for feeling empowered in your relationships.

If you are unable or unwilling to remove the relationship from your life - I’d invite you to look at what would make the interaction more pleasant for you. Are there topics which are off-limits to discuss? Is there a time restriction to your interactions? What do you need to feel good while keeping the relationship in your life?

Whatever it is - do that. Stay committed to your growth. It will make people uncomfortable, but you’re not living their lives. You’re living your life.

When my best friend looked me in the eye and said those two words, you’ve changed, I could only smile and say, “Thank you. I have changed. I’m glad you noticed.”

Do I miss her? Yes. But I don’t miss making myself small. In fact, I am more clear than ever that I am unwilling to make myself small. I don’t want to talk about the same things anymore, rehashing old stories or commiserating about awful circumstances. I cannot put myself in an environment where my energy is depleted. I cannot surround myself with people who prefer me to stay un-happy and small. I choose not to engage in interactions that diminish who I am and the services I bring to the world.

I would encourage you to do the same. Where can you stand up for your greatness more? And where can you BE that inspirational woman more? Because you’re not serving the world by playing small and making those around you comfortable. I am here to support you.

Want to hear me talk about outgrowing relationships? Listen to Episode 17 of the Be Amplified Podcast.